The Courtship

The pre-wedding meeting between the bride’s and the groom’s parents will determine the dowry that is to be given to the bride as well as the date of the solemnization. The berinai (henna application) ceremony is held prior to the wedding. The bride’s palms and feet are ‘decorated’ with the dye from the henna leaves. Sometimes this is followed by the tukar pakaian (costume changes) and the bride and, less often, the groom will don different clothes for photography. The pelamin (raised dais) will be beautifully decorated for the purpose.

The Wedding Ceremony

Marriage is a contract, and the akad nikah effectively forges the union. The solmnization is normally presided by a kadhi, a religious official of the Syariat (Shariat) Court. In olden days, it was customary for the bride’s biological father to perform this function. The akad nikah ceremony is in effect a verbal contract between the bride’s father or his representative (in this case the kadhi) and the groom. A small sum of money called the mas kahwin to seal the contract. The dialogue is as follows, and must be articulated clearly as to be heard by three witnesses.

The simplicity of this ritual belies the tremendous responsibilities of the groom to care for his bride, and this is reinforced in a brief lecture on marriage and its responsibilities delivered later by the kadhi. One needs to distinguish the mas kahwin and the hantaran (dowry). The small sum of the mas kahwin is to ensure that even poor people could marry, for marriage is encouraged for all healthy Muslims. The hantaran, on the other hand, is more customary. Often, the hantaran takes the form of both cash and jewelry or clothing.

The istiadat hantar belanja (sending of dowry and gifts) and upacara akad nikah (solemnization) often take place at the bride’s place. The solemnization is usually conducted by the kadhi (marriage official) in front of witnesses after both partners are asked separately if they consent to the marriage. Gifts are then exchanged and there may be a recitation of the Quran.

Gifts from the groom are checked to ensure that they are as promised. They will then be displayed in the bridal chamber. Gifts of clothes, toiletries and even prayer mats (to signify their adherence to the religion) are presented in intricate boxes or forms known as gubahan (decorations).

The Blessing Ceremony

Guests are presented with a bunga telur each. Literally, this means ‘flower and egg’. Previously, the gifts were eggs dyed red placed in a cup or container with some glutinous rice at the base. Sometimes a paper flower is added to decorate the gift. The egg symbolises a fertile union and the hope that the marriage will produce many children.

Today, most gifts are commercially prepared and may take the form of chocolates, jelly or even a cake of soap.

The feast is often a noisy, lively and informal affair. This is further enhanced by the colourful costumes worn by the guests themselves.

A Malay band group may be hired to add to the gay atmosphere. The arrival of the groom is heralded by the hadrah troupe. This group, of mostly teenagers, will beat the kompang (hand drums) and sing. The groom is often flanked by bunga manggar (palm blossoms) carriers and a busload of relatives and friends.

The mak andam (beautician) as well as members of the bride’s family will waylay the groom and ask for an ‘entrance fee’. Only when they are satisfied with the amount would they allow the groom to see his bride. After successfully overcoming the ‘obstacles’, the ceremony takes place.

Parents of the couple are the very first to perform the ceremony, followed by senior members of the family. VIP guests are also requested to honour the couple. Relatives will sprinkle petals and rice (fertility symbols) on the couple seated on the ‘throne’.